The Story Matters
“I wonder what tale we have fallen into?” - Samwise Gamgee, The Lord of the Rings.
As a mediator, I am given the opportunity to hear lots of stories. Everyone wants to share their perspective. In a mediation, each person is given uninterrupted time to do just that. This is called Storytelling. Most stories are full of conflict, confusion, and chaos. But, if I listen closely, there are often undertones of lost love or broken trust. It takes a tuned ear to listen with the goal to understand.
One of the best ways to draw out key elements of someone’s story is to ask open-ended questions. These are questions that do not have a “yes” or “no” response. An example of an open-ended question is, “How is this an important part of your story? or “Can you explain how that impacted you?” When we listen to the response, and the information that is shared, it helps to bring to light the important details of the conflict.
It takes a sharp eye to watch for gestures and body language. I must always be reading the room, watching the non-verbal communication, such as facial expressions, body language and posture. These are important windows into what is going on underneath the surface of the conflict.
As a mediator I am searching the master storyline for areas of agreement. When people are in conflict there often many things that people disagree about. Those disagreements are what cause people to get entrenched in their positions and dig their heels in. But, I am looking for common themes, values, and beliefs. What are the things that we can agree on? When we change the mindset, there is often much more agreement than what was thought or explored.
As I facilitate this process for people, I am given permission to speak peace into their lives. As I learned in peacemaking and mediation courses, just like a passport is stamped to give permission to enter another country, I am given passport to enter the story of people’s lives. From my vantage point I can illustrate that our future pages have not yet been written. A new story can be created. It can be one built on mutual respect, agreement, repair, and reconciliation.
The mediation process provides grace for people when there is little thought to grace. It also allows for space in time to have very important and meaningful discussions to build consensus and provide a pathway for people to move forward. A mediator is a facilitator of grace and space.
It is a blessing to see and hear how people respond to the good news of a new story and a new beginning.
